Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
