I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
