What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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