I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
