I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
