We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
