Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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