So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
