shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
