He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she peed on how many people?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She's the barista slut.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
