I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
