Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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