And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
