Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
