I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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