we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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