I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
