sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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