Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
