He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
