some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
