ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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