you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So apparently I’m into choking now
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