We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
