But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
