Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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