I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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