everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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