She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
