I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
