i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
