I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
