Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
