:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
