I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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