If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize