He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
