i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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