I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
