I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
