I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
