Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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