there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize