I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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