Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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