I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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