I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
