Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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