I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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