We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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