it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
