I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
where am i from again
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
