FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
