I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We're too hungover to prance.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
