This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
