This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
