Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
