I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
