Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
