Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
