His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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