3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
