so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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