Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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