I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
