Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
