Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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