I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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