rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
