i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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