Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
