I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
