when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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