hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
