you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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